I think the concept of a struggle bus is funny, even if the phrase is cheeky and annoying in the same way that people are now famous because they open packages for a living on YouTube.
I am annoyed at my 2019 not starting with more momentum. I’m not sure what to blame it on but I feel like it’s a combination of:
- the winter
- a mild case of seasonal bleh disorder (it’s cold and dark and hard to do things)
- Having a shittastic cold that mutated into lame viral bronchitis for all of December
- the lull in routine at work and in life that let me get used to sitting around watching history shows with my heart’s bff
- My back being a dick because I am lazy jackass that sits on the couch watching too much viking murder tv (but is there such a thing?)
- Not sleeping great because of all of the above
- Being healthy for about 36 hours only to end up with a stomach virus that rolled right in to the start of my period.
It’s making things hard.
I like feeling motivated. Being unhealthy makes everything impossible. I don’t want to run or cook or lift weights or read or take down the goddamn tree and put all this shit away and OMG EVERYTHING IS ANNOYING.
I am having issues with motivation. I am .. sick and tired of being sick and tired, when it’s already hard, in the winter in particular, to push yourself to do things.
Things I want to be doing but am not doing, yet.
- Exercising. OMG. I need to find a way to work this back into my habits. We hiked before NYE and it was so nice (even if I was hacking up a lung). See, here’s a photo even.
- Being more engaged with work and pushing to make progress with stuff…. I need to find some training to attend, I think that will help. (I like my job and am immensely grateful for that so I refuse to spend time complaining about that, atleast for now)
Things I am already working on improving
- Making more art. Being sick and out of town made it really hard to get to the studio since before Thanksgiving. But I got back this weekend and hope to get back into a better rhythm now that we have a break in our travel. I make pots if you find that sort of thing interesting.
- Reading more. I say this every year but really… I want to read more (I am actually on a roll with this even though I have been feeling like arse). I finished a graphic novel in one sitting and have been working through a chapter per night of the Scar, which is very good. (Let’s not talk about the Murakami book I’m stuck 60% of the way through). I’m on Goodreads, I still really like that site.
Things that are minor and dumb but still worthwhile
- I got my car serviced
- Set up my new login and info for our new health insurance
- Got my annual mammogram
- Took down the tree and packed up all of the decorations
- We dragged our asses out yesterday for real groceries so we made dinner last night and have all of the stuff we need for tonight too.
- I’m writing, here and hope even if it’s just me howling into the wind about stupid day to day stuff I can work on making it habitual and that writing about the random things I’m thinking about will bring me a greater sense of accountability, plus lists!!!